Q: Guaranteed female orgasms? I read about something called the “coital alignment technique,” that is supposed to guarantee that a woman will climax during intercourse. Could you please describe it? I would like to try it with my husband, since I never reach orgasm that way. ––Sylvia
Dr. Linda: If there were one secret to guaranteed sexual bliss, our sex lives would be very simple–and probably quite boring. But yes, some couples have found the “coital alignment technique,” also known as CAT (not to be confused with that scary medical procedure), enhances the amount of stimulation a woman receives during intercourse and facilitates her reaching orgasm.
How does it work? It begins with the ever-popular, man-on-top “missionary” position. Next the man “rides her high,” meaning he moves his groin area a few inches higher than he probably does ordinarily, so that his pubic bone is pressing on your clitoris. Finally, instead of quick thrusting, he should mix slow, rocking-back-and-forth movements with slow thrusting.
The man who first described this approach was convinced its use would actually reduce the divorce rate. He presented his ideas at Cornell University. The 60 sex therapists who heard him eagerly ran home to try this “hot” new trick. The result: Almost all of them failed. However, they did learn a thing or two about performance anxiety.
So much for sure-fire tricks. On the other hand, different strokes for different folks, so try out some “different strokes.” It fact, it’s likely that for many, the slow movements of this approach that are the real source of the turn-on boost.
Q: “G” Spot and Other Sensations. I often have the sensation that I have to pee during sex, and it’s distracting.. Is it mental or could my partner be hitting a certain spot? Also, I have no erotic sensations in my vagina. I only respond to clitoral stimulation. Are these related? Any suggestions? —Tiffany
Dr. Linda: First, a number of women are quite sensitive during sex when their bladder is full or even partially full. Interestingly, some women say their full bladder increases their sensations and makes it easier for them to climax. Others, like you, find it distracting. The obvious solution: Pee just before having intercourse. Another advantage is that you’ll reduce the odds of contacting a bladder infection.
To some other possibilities. You’ve probably heard about something called the “G” spot (named after a Dr. Grafenberg). It’s a dime to half-dollar sized area located on the anterior wall of the vagina, about one to two inches in. Grafenberg thought this tissue was the female counterpart to the male prostate.
More recent research suggests the tissue is part of the internal portion of the clitoris, which varies in length. It extends all the way to the anterior vaginal wall in some women. This view helps explain why some women have erotic sensations there and others don’t.
There’s a further twist. Many women report stimulation of the G spot too early during sex triggers an unpleasant sensation of needing to pee. But if it’s stimulated after reaching high levels of arousal, it feels great and often triggers orgasm.
With your partner, get busy with a little randy homeplay. Try delaying stimulation in G-spot territory, try different positions that reduce pressure on the bladder, and focus on the delicious discovery of “H” (hot) spots–wherever they might be lurking! By the way, you’re not alone. Lots of women find clitoral stimulation far more exciting than internal stimulation.
Q: Staying in Control. Ever since I started having intercourse about five years ago, I’ve had trouble controlling my ejaculations. It happens especially when I first start seeing someone. Right now I’m dating someone new. The main reason I haven’t initiated sex yet is that I’m afraid I’ll have the same problem again. I really like her and I want sex with her to be the best right from the start. What can I do to get rid of this problem? —Stephen
Dr. Linda: With five years of sexual experience, you must be in your twenties or perhaps early thirties (please tell me you’re not 16!). Anyway, as a young man, lack of ejaculatory control is the most common sexual problem. Fortunately, it’s also highly treatable, especially when the source of the problem is considered.
Since your lack of control is more problematic at the early stages of a relationship, anxiety is the likely culprit. The problem then improves when you get more comfortable with your partner. The best bet with your new girlfriend is to let go of the need to make sex perfect right from the start. Instead, tell her that you’d love to make love with and that you might be a bit hasty initially. Add that it’s a transitory phase. I’ve known men who found this honest approach so relieved their performance anxiety that even on their first intercourse with a new partner, the problem evaporated.
Here are two more tips. Use a position that has you less actively thrusting (woman above is ideal), to slow you down. And keep your legs apart. When your legs are apart, there’s less pressure in your groin area. This helps reduce excess tension that contributes to lack of control.
Q: Male multiple orgasms. I know that women can have multiple orgasms, but I’ve heard conflicting things about that capacity for men. Some insist it’s impossible and others say it’s common, even for men. What’s the scoop? —Stan
Dr. Linda: Lots of men are confused about male multiple orgasm. That’s because back in the 60’s, sex pioneers Masters and Johnson dogmatically insisted that the potential was restricted to women.
Since then, research has revealed that some men (not most) experience multiple orgasmic contractions and multiple surges of orgasmic sensation. Physiologic peaks in blood pressure, heart rate, and respiration are reached each time the contractions and orgasmic sensations occur. Most often, the release of semen occurs during the last orgasmic peak.
For some men, the multi-orgasmic phenomenon just happens. Other men have consciously learned to contract their pubococcygeus (PC) muscles each time they feel a peak coming, which holds back most, but not all, of their semen, so they release a little with each orgasm. (The PC muscles are the same ones you contract if you need to pee but haven’t made it to the head yet).
Several books can help you learn about and try to experience multiple orgasm. For a Western approach and the laboratory research, get Any Man Can (which really should be called Some Men Might) by William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian. For an Eastern approach that teaches the Taoist tradition, check out The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia.