Q: How can I get him to talk dirty? I’d like my husband to be more vocal during sex. He makes a few sounds, but that’s about it. I wish he’d talk dirty to me, or say anything, really. Whenever I bring this up, he changes the subject. I really think sexy talk would break the routine we’re starting to get into. Any suggestions for persuading him? —Tasha
Dr. Linda: There’s nothing like sexy lovetalk to add sizzle to your sex life. But your husband is not alone if he feels some inhibitions about talking during sex. It makes lots of people feel awkward, vulnerable, unromantic, crude, at a loss for words and fearful of rejection
Sometime when you’re not in the heat of the moment, ask him if you could share with him the kinds of sexy lovetalk that would turn you on. Don’t restrict yourself to dirty talk. My research uncovered six types of “horizontal” lovetalk that fuel erotic pleasure: Sweet Nothings (“I love you,” “Your hair smells great”) Gentle Requests (“A little harder”), Playful (teasing, laughing, using special words and phrases that the two of you coined), Naughty (using graphic or slang terms), Likes-and Dislikes (“That’s great”), and Nonverbal (the moans and sighs).
Encourage your husband to start with whatever lovetalk form would be the easiest and most comfortable for him. Eventually, he may be willing to use graphic language with you. Reassure him that forbidden words used harshly in “vertical” settings sill not offend you in a horizontal context. They become expressions of passionate desire. By the way, what do you do in the lovetalk department to stoke his fire?
Find out what kind she likes best and make it a two-way street.